Still Sad...

Wanted to just add another quick blog post about Patches because I'm still having a hard time dealing with the fact that she is no longer with us here on Earth. It saddens me to no end. I know this will get easier, but I'm still struggling with the sadness that a companion and friend I had for twenty years is gone.

I keep thinking about all the things I remember and loved about Patches. I loved her cute white tip at the end of her tail. We always called her Target Tail. I loved the fact that I taught her how to give kisses when we first got her and she never forgot how her entire life. It was probably annoying to her to learn how to do this because she relentlessly heard, "Give me a kiss and I'll let you go." I constantly told her that until she actually would lick my face, once she learned it I would ask for a kiss and she would do it. I loved her cute patterns on her fur that reminded us of a little cow. Believe it or not, she used to resemble one. She was fairly plump throughout her life. We loved her the same though, thick or thin. I remember when we used to have a very long hallway in our home and she would run down it so fast it would sound like a galloping horse. We would always just smile and laugh when she would take off out of no where. I loved that she could suck the water and color right out of watermelon. It was her favorite! We would leave it out on the counter and she would lick it until it was white, but she would never eat the actual fruit. She also loved anything made by Chef Boyardee, even though my mom would get mad when I would give her some. She loved milk and ice cream VERY much. My dad and the rest of us would be upstairs and he would pour a glass of milk and even when Patches got hard of hearing in her old age, she some how KNEW he had poured that milk (probably because she smelled it) and she would come racing upstairs hoping to tip that glass over to just get a little lick. Thankfully, my parents knew her time was coming and they were a little more lenient towards the end and would let her have a little ice cream, milk and other goodies here and there. I loved that whenever something was bothering me it seemed as though she knew. If I was outwardly upset she was right by my side. I always found that comforting. She was a wonderful and loyal little girl. I loved that she would demand your attention at times. If she wanted you to pet her she would walk on top of you and nudge her head right into your hand as if to say, "Uh, hello?! Do you NOT realize I want a little head rub." If you tried to ignore the first few times she would eventually climb up towards your face and kind-of smack you. It never hurt, but it was so funny. She had such a funny little personality. We really knew her so well after spending so many years with her. I was telling my mom yesterday that I actually am having a hard time remembering life before her. I can definitely do it, but most of my memories were after we brought her home. I will never forget that day and I will never forget all the wonderful times we had with her. I truly believe she is up in Heaven getting all the head rubs she wants and is looking over us. Lately I've been struggling with the fact that we ultimately ended her life, but my family knows she probably wouldn't have made it through the night and if we had waited she would have left this Earth suffering. My mom has had to constantly remind me that what we did was out of love and was the best thing for her. I think deep down I do know that, but it still hurts. The only thing that makes me feel better about this is the fact that we were by her side until the very end. Until the very last breath. I did that for her out of love because I know she would have done the same for me. If I were on my death bed, she would have been on it right next to me.

I will never forget her and I don't think any other pet we have will ever live up to her. I love Nalah and Calvin, but Patches will always have a huge part of my heart. It will never need to be filled because although she is gone that piece of my heart remains with her. I find that writing this blog is helping me deal with my feelings as silly as some people may think they are. I do not find them funny or odd or over the top at all. These are MY feelings. I understand some people don't love their pets like my family does. I'm happy to admit that we love them like family. We always said she was my sister and there was not ONE holiday, birthday, graduation or other important event that went by where I didn't have a gift or card from the cats. They truly were family. God knows this about me because that is the way He created me. I wouldn't have it any other way. I find comfort in the fact that He knows I am struggling with this and He will help me get through this, along with my family. I know my mom and dad are also sad about this, so I know I can always talk to them when I am feeling down. Each day will get easier, but it will take time. I find it completely normal that this may take a while because it was, in fact, twenty years! That is longer than I have known any of my friends and her love was COMPLETELY unconditional. That is what I love so much about pets. They love you no matter what.

I do have to say that being with Ethan during the day definitely helps me. His little smile just lights up my life. He always enjoyed looking at Patches because of her intense black and white pattern of her fur. I hope he can love Nalah like I love Patches. I think he might, I have a feeling he is going to be a sweet little boy with a big heart for animals...just like his momma.

Here are a few pictures I found on my phone and old computer. I still find it hard to look at her pictures because her death is so fresh in my mind. I hope one day I can look at them and be happy and remember those memories in those pictures.

<3 Bryana

Those of you who read this entire thing, thanks. I know some of you may not understand the love and hurt I feel for her, but just understand that it's who I am. These feelings are real.